Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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