My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
