i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
