You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
