he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
