I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
