I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
