considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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