I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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