Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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