I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
