I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
