I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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