i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
