fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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