Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
