It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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