Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I am one with the molecules
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
