I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
