I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
