Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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