wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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