Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
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Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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