yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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