Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
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woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
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my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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