Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she peed on how many people?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
