seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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