I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
