I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
