My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
