sarcasm needs its own font
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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