when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize