And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
