Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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