This is not my ceiling
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
