Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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