He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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