i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
