how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
