Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
