Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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