i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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