I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
