You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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