can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize