your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
