my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
