i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
