i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
