Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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