4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
