Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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