yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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