so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
