stop calling my apartment porn island.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
