I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
