Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
