So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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