It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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