let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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