He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
