i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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