did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
