I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
