dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
