my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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