What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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